Sadistic Sadie, You're My Hero

I'm not into watching or playing contact sports. Nor am I into sports in general. But competitive rollerskating, I've decided, is kind of fascinating.

And awesome.

My brother and I entered the Cincinnati Gardens on Saturday expecting to watch a pack of girls skating rapidly around semicircle, clad in helmets, mouthguards and fishnets. I did not have high hopes.

After realizing that we could sit anywhere, we moved to "Suicide Seating" on the floor next to the rink, a section designated for viewers who are older than 18 and willing to risk their well-being. The opposing team, the H.A.R.D. Nuclear Knockouts, was only two seats away, and a player called Disco Bloodbath apologized for the scent — being that close to the action was like sitting inside a sweaty roller skate.

Each girl had an audacious nickname on her shirt, such as Whisky Business, Rainbow’s Revenge, Mother Trucker, Holden Grudges, and everyone’s personal favorite, Sadistic Sadie. My brother found many of the players attractive, which says more about his taste than the overall appearance of the group. Apparently he’s into girls who have dark hair and pale skin, and who may or may not have a death wish.

Each bout goes like this: Both teams lines up a “Jammer,” who skates through the angry pack of blockers — five from each team — earning a “Jam” for each member of the opposing team she passes. The team with the most jams wins. To stop the jammer from, well, jamming, the opposing team can push, shove, trip, attack, storm, strike, and/or assault the jammer. Pushing and shoving are the most common defenses, and penalties are given out for the more extreme measures.

Disco Bloodbath, of the H.A.R.D. Nuclear Knockouts, became a fast friend of ours. Despite the blood-red rings around her pupils (which we decided were contacts), she was quite friendly and outgoing. This was her first time jamming, and she was ecstatic. The skaters were an interesting looking bunch, with some looking anemic and others more portly. Tatoos and aggressive eye make-up were essential.

The real entertainment of the bout was Sadistic Sadie, a member of the home team who demonstrated the ruthlessness of a gladiator with the grace of a figure skater. As the lead jammer of the event, she would zip through the pack before they knew she was in the radius. Watching her skate so carelessly around and around had a hypnotic effect on the viewer. Sometimes she would laugh at whomever she was passing or blow a kiss at her fellow Black Sheep watching from the bench.

Tensions escalated when she and Doza Badazz continued to tug on each other after a round concluded. Sadie then pulled down Doza’s hot pants and smiled broadly at the crowd. Doza’s coach was not pleased. She started yelling at Sadie and pointing in her face. To retaliate, Sadie shoved her, and then all of the Knockouts were attacking Sadie. Of course, The Black Sheep followed suit, and the pack almost knocked over an innocuous cameraman nearby. How primal. And somehow invigorating.

The Sheep dominated the Knockouts, 100 something to 50 something. We plan on returning July 19 when they take on the Carolina All Stars.

— Bessie Taliaferro

Image: Sadistic Sadie in front of a white wall.

Comments

[Public Relations]

Bessie, thanks for the write up and I am glad that you found it entertaining. I just want to clear one thing up, much of what you saw as "allowed" is not legal at all and why there were a lot of people in the penalty box. It was, in fact, an entertaining bout and CRG enjoyed the contact. North Carolina, a top 5 team, is coming to Cincinnati on July 19th....it should be interesting!

[Julia]

Very interesting topic...I wonder why this unique sport doesn't get more attention. And great writing! City Beat has found a new star writer.

[CRGPublicRelations]

The sport has been drawing more and more attention locally and internationally. We have been featured on Sports Rock, Sports of All Sorts, WEBN, 96Rock, 700WLW, Fox19, and with Tara Pachmayer on Channel 12. The Enquirer and City Beat have written many articles along with Cincinnati Magazine and Ohio Magazine. Nationally, Cincinnati Enquirer reporter and CRG skater, Lauren Bishop (aka Miss Print), narrated a piece featured on ESPN. Our league is doing well both competitively and financially. However, we are perplexed by our difficulty in getting the attendance achieved by leagues like Indianapolis, who draw 3,000-4,000 people per bout with a less competitive team, a more expensive ticket and a less thrilling experience. How did we miss you?

[NRGFan]

Gosh, you'd think the CRG public relations committee would know it's not polite in the derby world to put down another sister league. Maybe that's why you can't pull as good an audience. I go watch NRG because it's a league full of classy, athletic, hard hitting women. Could that be the difference?

[Smackie Onassis]

"However, we are perplexed by our difficulty in getting the attendance achieved by leagues like Indianapolis, who draw 3,000-4,000 people per bout with a less competitive team, a more expensive ticket and a less thrilling experience." I can’t believe this comment was made. How derogative for it to have been said by someone in "Public Relations." Your team is too talented, cohesive and cunning to be promoting its bouts by knocking the efforts of others. Maybe 2,000 people are turned off by watching a woman be publicly humiliated in their city? Just a thought.

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