Sometimes I want to be able to make up some seriously outrageous stuff and publish it, just to see what the reaction is. Ethically, that isn't an option, but that doesn't mean I can't point you in the direction of some seriously hysterical stuff written by others that's all truth.
The following are from a collection of hideously bad analogies that were originally published in The Washington Post in 1999. Some things are simply worth repeating!
• Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
• His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
• He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.