I, Robot BEAR

The US Army's Telemedicine and Advanced Technology Research Center has given a grant to a corporation called VECNA Robotics to build what they call a Robot BEAR.

Ostensibly this Robot BEAR, which is an acronym for Battlefield Extraction Assist Robot, has been created to help injured soldiers get out of harms way during combat without further endangering other soldiers. It's six feet tall, has a hydraulic upper body capable of lifting 500 lbs and two independent sets of "tracked legs" that look like two ghetto blasters welded together and are able to traverse all manner of terrain by either walking upright or rolling on its shins. The Robot BEAR is controlled wirelessly by a human operator, and "the BEAR will eventually have more and more autonomous behaviors."

This all sound great on the surface: a robot that can save wounded soldiers and prevent further human casualty. What’s not to love? I’ll tell you what’s not to love: It’s a robot and a bear, two of the most frightening things on the planet. It’s like VECNA decided that they wanted to make a robot that’s scarier than the illegitimate love-child of Freddy Krueger and Carrie, with Lon Chaney as its godfather and Kathy Bates from Misery as its wet nurse. This can only end in the total annihilation of human life as we know it.

VECNA already wants it to have more autonomous behavior. Didn’t these people read I, Robot or at least see the bastardized movie version with Will Smith? They don’t even have a set of rules for the mechanical satans!

Now you might be thinking that, even if the robots get so smart that they attempt to overthrow mankind, they’re only being produced for limited use by the U.S. Army. Well, one glance at VECNA’s Web site will send you to my front door begging to be let into my magnificent bunker (women only; maximum capacity of eight). VECNA’s already marketing a SCI-BEAR for help in nursing homes and hospitals and a HOME-BEAR to help seniors in assisted-living houses.

They are going to start by picking off our sick, our weak, and our old. They will harvest their organs (I don’t know why exactly, but it seems extraterrestrial beings and robots always want to do that) and then they will come after us.

The Robot BEAR is set to be fully operational by 2010, and if you don’t have a bunker built by then, may God have mercy on your soul — that is, if you still have a soul. With a hybrid between a robot and a bear, I’d bet good money they can find a way to rip that to shreds as well.

— Drew Gibson
(Photo: Vecnarobotics.com)

Comments

[David Gallaher]

Just as pork barrel projects can cause a bridge to nowhere to be built in Alaska, the military-industrial complex can cause this silly thing to come into existence, not to mention billions of unnecessary military hardware to Saudi Arabia just so Prince Bandar can get the kick-back.
Don't get me going on the missile shield scheme which exists just so Dubya can have a pissing contest with Putin.

[Action News]

The ultimate goal is to completely automate war, at least on our side. That's why DARPA's been running these autonomous-vehicles race events. So don't worry, soon the Robot Bear will be mothballed.