Living Out Loud

So You Know Who Patti Deutsch Is

Sometimes when I write the Living Out Loud column, I just hope for the best. I wrote one a few weeks ago called "Thinking of Patti Deutsch." I didn't think I would get much response to it, as I figured most people didn't even know who she is.

I was proven wrong by the power of television.

Deutsch was a regular on the old television game show Match Game and apparently everything old is new again.

Mail is continuing to come in and young people know exactly who Deutsch is because of the Game Show Network which still features Match Game. The show is a hit all over again.

In case you don’t have cable, I’ll give you a little taste of the show in the video down below. This clip is called “School Riot,” one of Match Game’s most famous scenes.

Enjoy your weekend.

- Larry Gross

(Photo from mywebpages.comcast.net)

His Wife

I think it's going to be a long time before I trust a man again.

I thought he was a friend of mine. We hung out more than a few times at some of the bars on Seventh Street downtown. We would have a few drinks at one, and then go to another. 

After four or five drinks, we would get friendly – kissing, touching and all that. A couple weeks ago, he invited me up to his place and I spent the night.

I should say I thought it was his place.

I haven’t seen my friend in a few days which I thought was kind of odd. Yesterday afternoon, I asked one of the bartenders on Seventh Street if he had seen my friend.

“I kind of doubt if he’ll be back,” the bartender said. “He went home to his wife.”

It also turns out that “his place” actually belonged to the bartender.

For the next several weeks, I’m just going to keep to myself and sit at the bar alone.

- Brandy Edwards

(Photo from farm2.static.flickr.com)

National Vomit Day

It's a little known holiday and very few actually celebrate it, but today, November 29^th, is National Vomit Day.

We here at the LOL Blog, being the strange people that we are, and because we're based in progressive Cincinnati (why are some of you laughing?) want to be the first blog in the world to give it some attention. 

Let’s first go overseas and visit the lovely Nattliv. Even beautiful women throw up. Come on, give it a look.

Now let’s go back to the United States and watch Eric Jewell toss his cookies on a local television show.

Fun wasn’t it?

National Vomit Day: It is what it is.

- Tom Anus

(Photo found on good old Mr. Google)

I Can't Make You Love Me

I'm trying to feel fine, but I'm not fine at all.

There was this woman I fell in love with some time ago, actually years ago. Shortly before Thanksgiving, the relationship came to an end.

Even before we started, I somehow knew that it wouldn't work - couldn't work. The question I keep asking myself is why did I put myself through this?

I don't know what I am these days - angry, depressed, bitter - probably all that. I think I'm mostly just sad.   

I’ve played this old Bonnie Raitt song over and over for the past several days. I hope you can get something out of it.

- Larry Gross

(Photo from www.getreadytorock.com)

Empty Pockets

The bewildered man hastily approached me on Main Street. He wore tattered jeans and a dark shirt covered with holes and filth. He stood next to me and tried to catch his breath. The stench of dried urine made me nauseous.

The nameless man wore a long mane of greasy black hair. He probably had not visited a barber or seen the inside of a bathtub for several weeks.

“The name is Dennis; do you hang around here often?”

“Yeah, I like to just stand outside and think sometimes,” I said. “I work around here and take an occasional break.”

Dennis said someone had given him a few dollars for some KFC chicken. He told me KFC is his favorite restaurant. I don’t think he spent the money on food, because his stomach growled like an angry bear.

Although he reeked of alcohol, I listened to him as he rambled on about his life. He began to dig in his pockets for some change. He managed to find some old lint and a few nickels. Dennis said he would call his family if he had one. “Where in the hell did I go wrong?” he asked. I didn’t answer him.

His alcohol problem cost him everything. He had a beautiful wife and a child, but no longer kept in touch with them. His wife left him because he wouldn’t stop drinking. Dennis, looking dejected, said he could not return home because he didn’t have one.

He recently tried to find a job; unfortunately, without a physical address, his options were limited. Dennis also refused the safety of a homeless shelter; besides, the last time he stayed at a shelter, someone stole his shoes.

A few days ago, Dennis searched Main Street for something to eat. He attempted to borrow some spare change from an elderly man standing near a newspaper stand.

Question of the Week

Do you enjoy reading The Cincinnati Enquirer or do you just pick it up out of habit?

- Larry Gross

(Photo found on Mr. Google)

Catching Up with the President

Below is a seldom seen video of President Bush shot a couple weeks ago in Washington D.C. and it's quite telling.

Its clear our President is going mad and that the power of the office has gotten to him.

And his looks are changing too. Doesn’t he look a lot like Richard Belzer these days?

Reporting from Washington D.C.,
Cincinnati and everywhere else, this is . . .

-Judy Darling,
LOL Blog Reporter

(Photo of President Bush eating a kitten from thewellwroughturn.files.wordpress.com)

Monday's Lunch

My buddy Jim can eat whatever he wants to eat for lunch - including lobster - but I wish the hell he could eat and stop talking.

Yeah, pinch and suck, pinch and suck – whatever. If you like to see somebody eat and talk at the same time, you'll enjoy the video down below.

- Joe Locker

(Photo from moderncrisis.com)

Is There Something in the Water Here?

Last week as I was walking down the sidewalk heading toward The Federal Building on Main Street, I saw a woman smiling at me. As we approached one another, I could see she was fairly young, had short black hair and a nice face. When we got a little closer, I smiled back.

"Good morning," I said.

The young woman looked at me and the smile was gone.

"Oh, I’m sorry," she said. "I thought you were somebody I knew."

"You can still say good morning," I replied with a smile still on my face.

The smile was still off the women’s face as she picked up her pace to get away from me. As she hurried off, I thought to myself that yeah - this woman is from Cincinnati.

We’ve written about it before here – about how people in this town are so unfriendly. When the woman thought she knew me, she was all smiles. When she found out I was a stranger, that smile was totally gone and she was in a hurry.

Is there something in the water here – something that makes us afraid of strangers? What did this young woman think I was going to do – rape her on a busy sidewalk?

Again, being unfriendly to people you don’t know is soooooo Cincinnati.

- Larry Gross

(Photo from www.flee.com)

That Was the Week that Was - In Blogs

Most bloggers were sleeping last week.

As a lot of you know, on most Sundays, we do a recap of some of the blog posts written by various bloggers for the previous week. I worked really, really hard to find interesting posts (well, maybe 10 minutes or so), but with it being Thanksgiving week, a lot of sites weren't offering that much new material.

Only a handful of blogs and/or websites posted new stuff everyday – this blog did as well as The Cincinnati Nation and Daily Beat. What I’m getting at is we don’t have much to say here today.

The Porkopolis Blog did have a fascinating post on “Yard Dumps.” I had to read it five times.

The Cincinnati Beacon reported on how the Cincinnati Enquirer can’t even get pornographic headlines right – a funny little story from The Dean.

Last Wednesday over at the A & E Blog, Michael Schiaparelli reported on what she was drinking on Thanksgiving. The folks over at that blog must still have hangovers as they haven’t posted a new entry since.

Oh well, I’m going back to sleep too.

- Larry Gross

(Photo of sleeping blogger from www.nothingbutiron.com)