Living Out Loud

What is your Whack-to-Drop Ratio?

... Or the Gallawhacker Curve.

How many whacks does it take to produce a drop of jizm?

If you are so fortunate as to be able to have sex as the Good Lord intended, then how many strokes does it take?

Can you immediately begin to appreciate why so little research has been done in this vital area?

Just as a thought experiment, let's start at age 18, and assume it takes 10 whacks to produce 1000 drops.  Then let's skip on over to my end of the scale--the geezer end--and assume it takes 100 whacks to produce 1 drop. You can quickly see how you may start with a number which is a small fraction and end with something approximating your age.

At what age would the number be one?  In other words, when your whacks and drops are equal.  Could a chart be established to make sure your own ratio is age-appropriate?  If so, it would rank up there with the muscle mass index chart, wouldn't it?

In actual experiments, who would do all the counting?  Could one's self be trusted to give an accurate count?  Is there such a device as a whackometer?

We would naturally need to establish a trend of whack-to-drop as well as a stroke-to-drop, and notice the divergence in patterns as we laid, so to speak, one over the other.

I had the opportunity once to question Arthur Laffer about his curve. That's the one which notices that at a zero tax rate, there would be zero revenue, while at a 100 percent tax rate, there would also be zero revenue, because we would all become blatant cheaters--if not revolutionaries. 

So, his question becomes, where on the curve from zero to zero might the most revenue be had?  Once discovered, no government would need to use a higher rate.

Laffer's curve made him sort of famous.  Could the Gallawhacker curve do the same for moi?

LOL Girl, I'm expecting you to be a frequent commenter below.

- David E. Gallaher

(Photos of Pee-wee Herman obtained from content.vtmnd.com. If you will recall, Mr. Herman was arrested in Florida on July 26, 1991 for masturbating publicly in an adult theatre in Florida. Whacks to drop ratio is unknown)

Question of the Week

In regards to the anti-marijuana ordinance that exists in Cincinnati, how many of you think it's a law that's needed in this town or our tax dollars being wasted?

- Larry Gross

(Photo from images.publicradio.org)

Pat Fisher, Gerald Berding, Chris Bortz, Laketa Cole, Cecil Thomas and Leslie Ghiz Want you to go to Jail for Smoking Reefer

The Cincinnati Beacon recently had an interesting post as to how some of those running for Cincinnati City Council feel about the anti-marijuana ordinance that exists in this backward, uptight city. Click here to read it.

I’ve written about this silly law more than once. People who smoke marijuana are not criminals. Locking them up is a waste of taxpayer’s money and we don’t have the jail space (oh, and by the way, we don't need a new one).

This city is never going to be progressive, will never be able to solve the real issues we face here and will never move forward until some of those on city council get their head out of their ass and figure out what really matters. Pot doesn't.

I’m grateful for The Cincinnati Beacon for doing this post.

Pat Fisher: You’re not getting my vote.

Gerald Berding: Forget it.

Chris Bortz: I actually was going to vote for you, but your stand on this issue shows me you’re all wet.

Laketa Cole: Maybe smoking a little weed would make you chill out with other ladies that call you names. Until that happens, you won't be getting my vote.

Cecil Thomas: You’re one of the people holding this city back and you need to be gone.

Leslie Ghiz: You're pretty, you seem to be friendly but you're sooooo typical city council. I vote no on bringing you back.

I can’t remember the last time I smoked pot but I have a lot of friends who do. Again, they are not criminals. This ordinance is insane. 

For all of you voting out there on Election Day, make a copy of this post and take it with you to the polls. That way you’ll remember the names of who not to vote for. Maybe it’s a small start in getting this city more progressive and smarter.

- Larry Gross

(Graphic found on Google)

Monday's Lunch

Trying to be good parents and giving their kids what they want, Roger and Ann took them over to the McDonald's on Glenway Avenue for lunch.

Giving kids what they want to eat: Is that always a good thing? Watch the video down below.

- Teri Archer

(Photo from www.spurgeon.org)

Fat

It was Rhonda all right, but I almost didn't recognize her.

I lived in Price Hill maybe ten years ago and always got my groceries at the Kroger store on Enright Avenue. Rhonda was one of their cashiers.

She was a cute little thing – thin, black hair and beautiful blue eyes. We would joke around back and forth sometimes and while I never told her, I always had a bit of a crush on her.

Some years ago, I decided to move closer to my work but I found myself back in Price Hill and Kroger’s last week. That’s when I once again saw Rhonda.

But it wasn’t the cashier I knew. This Rhonda was fat. I couldn’t believe the size of her behind and that beautiful face of hers was all puffy with fat.

Her eyes were still beautiful, but….. but……that fat!

I felt like asking her what happened. Why have you let yourself go?

I don’t think she saw me. After I made my purchase, I quickly left.

Man, do I feel sorry for her.

- Joe Locker

(Image from philomathean.blogs.com)

That Was the Week That Was - In Blogs

As reported last week, bloggers everywhere were having a good time reporting and giving opinions on what happened Oct. 19 on Real Time with Bill Maher. Click here to read our post from last Sunday.

New York based Gawker had an interesting take on it but I’m a little surprised they weren’t more on top of it. They didn’t get around to a post until Tuesday.

Some bloggers thought Maher got carried away a bit but not the Kansas City Star Blog who shows what happens when you don’t take control of a situation. Good old Rush Limbaugh had the same thing happen to him in the exact same studio where Maher does his show in 1990 and the results were quite different for Rush. The video is a little sad to watch.

From Kansas City, we go to Washington D.C. where Wonkette has an exclusive: “I Had Sex with Larry Craig” written by David Phillips. Here’s a warning: If you’re hung over this morning, don’t read it. It may make you sick.

And now let’s go overseas to Germany and visit the Sadly, No! Blog who has a few words to say about “short” Michelle Malkin. The same warning in the paragraph above applies here.

Let’s return home to exciting Cincinnati where Laura James at the A & E Blog states she believes in Kara Walker’s artwork. She then wants to know if that’s a stupid thing to say. I really wish she wouldn’t put us on the spot like that.

The Cincinnati Nation reported that Lindner and other business fat cats downtown are still trying to stop the Banks project here downtown. It’s pretty sickening but no real surprise. These people want our city to continue to be backward so they can continue to get richer. Don’t you think it’s time to take our city back from these people?

Are rumors and dirty tricks happening at Cincinnati City Council? No surprise there either. Cincinnati Black Blog gives us the details.

Over at the Spill It Blog, C.A. MacConnell gives us the top 10 worst possible music article headlines of all time. Its funny stuff, but come on – weren’t there any bad music headlines before the 1980s?

Sorry C.A., guess I’m showing my age here. Let me put on that Bing Crosby album and just shut up.

- Larry Gross

(Photo from www.jalduna.com)

Dear Kim Taylor

Dear Kim Taylor,

I feel like I haven’t seen you or talked to you forever.

I remember the old days – hanging out at your coffee shop with you and Sara, me and Sara walking all over downtown Cincinnati hanging up Kim Taylor concert posters, and that interview we did with you at the Washington Platform that somehow never got used. Stuff happens, ya know?

I’m living downtown now and when I first moved in, there were some electrical outlet “issues” in my study where my stereo is. After months of not being able to listen to music, the issue was finally fixed.

I want you to know that the first CD I put in was “So Black, So Bright.” Yeah, the newer stuff is even better, but I have a firm attachment to this one.

Your web site is pretty cool and I’m going to put a video up at the bottom of this post so those who haven’t heard you sing (and that’s becoming less and less) can get the pleasure of your beautiful voice.

Hope to see you soon.

- Larry Gross

(Photo of Kim Taylor from www.musicdish.com)

How a Chicken Crosses the Road

For about seven years I have walked to work. The Little Woman and I live near the Pendleton Art Building in OTR, and I work at the corner of 4th and Elm.

Here are some of the walking tips I have accumulated.  Before continuing, I'll say that I've also walked a bit in
Manhattan, and it was enough to learn that these tips would not apply there. Cincinnati is a ghost town, but rush hour traffic here does have its moments.

Each morning, I'm looking to get from here to there as quickly as possible, but I never need to build in any allowance for traffic jams.  Each afternoon, I'm very rarely in a hurry and, in fact almost always stop by the main Library.  It's sort of my midway oasis.  A place to cool off in the summer and get warm in the winter.

So here is how to walk diagonally through quite a few city blocks as quickly and safely as possible.

First, if you come to a street, take it, but don't cross at an intersection.  Spend as little time as possible at intersections. You can get hit from at least two directions, whereas, toward the middle of the block, you reduce your risk by 100 percent.

After rounding a corner, immediately begin noticing when the gap in traffic will intersect with your most direct route.  Cross precisely there. 

Learn where your most direct path will come near parking lots.  Going on the diagonal through parking lots will help cut corners.

Always keep in mind the most direct route between point A and point B. Try not to deviate much from it.  Always keep walking.  Never stop for a light.  You are making progress so long as you don't head in a direction greater than 90 degrees from your intended direction.

If you zig and zig rather than zig and zag, you will be surprised how quickly you will be so far off your path that you will need to waste even more time on top of that waiting for traffic to clear in order to get back on track.

After reaching your office, put your feet up on your desk and ponder for about 10 minutes:  Why did your city waste so much money installing Walk and Don't Walk signs?

Give thanks police don't enforce the jaywalking laws. They have probably saved hundreds of pedestrian lives by cutting us slack.

- David E. Gallaher

(Photo from www.pbase.com/piggiston/cincinnati)

And Now a Word from Our New Sponsor

Sadly, The Uranus Corporation decided that our blog was not a good fit for their company and has dropped it's advertising with us. However, we have found a new sponsor - one that we think you'll enjoy even more.

Go to your favorite local bar here in Cincinnati and have a Butz Beer! Tell them you heard about it here and the first round is on us!

Their first commercial with us is down below. Enjoy!

- Tom Anus

(Photo of Butz Beer from www.gadgetell.com)

He's a Navel Man

I'm beginning to wonder where a girl in downtown Cincinnati can go get a drink and not run into a jerk.

He seemed nice enough, not a bad looking guy either, and had an interesting come on line.

"Are you an innie or an outie?"

"Excuse me?"

"I’m talking about your navel," the man said. "Are you an innie or an outie?"

I had to laugh.

“I’ve never had that question asked right off the bat,” I said. “I guess I’m an innie.”

“I’m a navel man,” he said smiling, drinking a gin and tonic.

“That’s interesting,” I replied, not caring at all what his navel looked like.

Maybe a minute passed by. Then he asked “Mind if I take a look at it?”

I had a few drinks in me so I didn’t really care. I played along and rose up my top just a bit so he could see that I had an innie navel.

The man looked at it for a little bit and said “It’s beautiful.”

He then took his right pinkie finger and stuck it in my navel.

After kicking him in the nuts and pouring his gin and tonic over his head, I left the bar.

I guess he’s a navel man but he’s also a sicko.

- Carol Walters

(Photo of headless Carol Walters but with a nice navel found on Mr. Google)