Living Out Loud

He Was Staring at My Beaver

My beaver had an infection and wasn't feeling well, so we needed to go to the doctor. My car was in the shop, so it was necessary to take my beaver on a Cincinnati Metro bus.

There were horizontal seats open in front, and I sat down with my beaver.

I wanted to ignore it, but I couldn't help but notice the man sitting opposite me. He was staring at my beaver.

Now I realize that guys probably don't see a lot of beavers on a bus, so I found his staring a little amusing. I think I have a pretty face and pretty eyes, but he was too busy looking at my beaver to notice.

It was alright. The guy was kind of cute. I thought about asking him if he wanted to touch my beaver but, as I said, it wasn't feeling well.

— Carol Walters

(Photo of Carol’s beaver from dnr.state.il.us)

Looking at Her Beaver

I was very sleepy when I got on the bus that morning. There were some horizontal seats open in front and I sat down.

I started to doze a little, but I found myself opening my eyes and looking at the girl opposite me. I could see her beaver.

Now normally I am not one to stare, but how many times do you see a beaver on a Cincinnati Metro bus?

The girl with the beaver was very beautiful: Long black hair, blue eyes and nice legs, but I wasn't looking at any of that. I was looking at her beaver.

It was the biggest beaver I have ever seen. Oh, how I wish I could have touched it.

— Tom Anus

(Photo of the woman’s beaver from www.oldengine.org)

Monday's Lunch

When the yelling and screaming was over at my neighborhood Cincinnati bar about somebody looking at somebody else's nuts, after the two guys left I simply went over and ate them. Very tasty.

— Tom Anus

(Photo of nuts found on Mr. Google)

Talking to Strangers

Last week in the column, I wrote about a kid who sat down with me at Sophia's Restaurant one morning over on Main Street: a kid I didn't know. He just invited himself, and I let them stay there and basically ramble on while eating a breakfast sandwich.

As a writer, this is pretty common for me — talking to people I don't know. When I take bus rides, if someone wants to strike up a conversation, I'm usually game. If I'm at Findlay Market and find someone who wants to chat for whatever reason, I chat right back. In doing this type of thing, I think I've gotten some interesting stories.

I don't think this is very common here — people talking to other people they don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but I view this city as a little uptight and unfriendly.

Please consider this the question of the week: If you were sitting in a restaurant like I was and a stranger just invites himself or herself down at your table, would you let them stay or ask them to leave?

— Larry Gross

(Photo: www.warburtons.co.uk)

That Was the Week That Was - In Blogs

Last week, The Cincinnati Nation reported that the new restaurants and nightclubs opening up around Fountain Square are seeing great business and are bringing new life to downtown. Great news. I can be very negative when it comes to downtown, but when something is going right we try to report that too. Really we do, Brian Griffin.

Speaking of Brian Griffin, he's hoping his Cincinnati Blog gets voted best blog in the Cincinnati USA’s best blog competition. Good luck to you, sir. I kind of doubt if the LOL blog stands a chance, because we sometimes put up "dirty" pictures here and talk about sex. That’s not sooooooo Cincinnati.

If we can leave the Cincinnati blog scene for a minute, check out Wonkette’s story on Hillary's hair.  A very touching look back. Warning: It will bring you to tears.

Jackie Danicki had an amusing post last week in part about the Fifth Third Bank over on Court and Main and how every teller there greets their customers the same way. I could never be a bank teller, because I'm much too old and grumpy. My opening line would probably be, "What the hell do you want?"

I’m off to the Alpine in Price Hill to do laundry. Have a good Sunday.

— Larry Gross

(Photo from www.flickr.com)

Cincinnati Photo of the Week

This photo was taken in someone's backyard in Clifton's Gaslight District in 1983, a great year for animals to come together. Free love is a wonderful thing.

— Tom Anus

(Who do I give the photo credit do? I don't know. Forgot to write it down)

Nipples and Peanut Butter

My friend Brad lives in Mount Adams and is a little strange when it comes to making out before having sex. But sometimes strange is just find with me.

One of his ideas about foreplay involves peanut butter. He'll take the jar out of my cabinet, put some on his finger and then puts the peanut butter on my nipples — the left first, the right second.

He very gently sucks the peanut butter off my nipples — the left nipple always being first. I admit it turns me on.

Peter Pan peanut butter is his favorite.

I want to return the favor and find something to dip his penis in so I can suck it off. Any suggestions?

— LOL Girl

(Photo of LOL Girl’s breasts from jupiter images.com. Peanut butter not included)

Hungry for His Nuts

My lover and I had just broken up and it was on my mind when I walked into a Cincinnati bar that afternoon. I sat down at the bar and quickly ordered a beer.

I looked to my right and noticed him at the bar — a good looking guy who appeared to be by himself. He also was drinking a beer, and I couldn't help but notice his nuts.

I stared at them and I realized I was hungry — hungry for his nuts.

I looked away,, but my eyes always found their way back to them. Those nuts. Big nuts. My mouth started to water.

The man must have noticed me staring at them as he stood up and yelled, "Stop looking at my nuts!" Embarrassed, I quickly finished my beer and left the bar.

On my way to the bus stop, I was still feeling depressed about my breakup with my lover, but those nuts were still pictured in my mind. Oh how I wish I could have eaten them.

— Nate Anderson

(What a sicko. Photo of even more nuts found on Mr. Google)

Stop Looking at My Nuts!

He was eyeballing them the entire time I sat at the bar. Can't a guy just go to a Cincinnati bar and have a drink without a hassle?

The big nuts were given to me. I guess I'm lucky. It wasn't my fault that he really didn't seem to have any of his own and it made me almost sick to watch his mouth water while looking at mine.

I'm a decent kind of guy and I don't like trouble, but the staring finally was more than I could take. What a sicko.

I finally got up from my barstool and yelled, "Stop looking at my nuts!" He seemed shocked as he quickly finished his beer and walked out the door.

Sometimes a guy does what he has to do.

— Joe Locker

(Photo from Jupiter images.com. Good for you, Joe, standing up for yourself like that)

Wait a Minute Mr. Postman

We live in the same apartment building and his mailbox is right next to my mailbox.

I like Paul very much. I like his blonde hair and blue eyes and the muscles on his body. You can tell he works out a lot.

Sometimes I see him in the laundry room and we make polite talk - nothing serious. He likes to joke how he hates doing laundry - something we both share. I always enjoy talking to him and he seems to be taken with me a little bit.

He's probably a little younger than me, but how important is age really? I wouldn't mind having him in my bed - not at all.

On Sunday, I met him in the hallway and invited him over for dinner Thursday night. He seemed delighted and said yes almost immediately.